Waiting....

Waiting.... waiting..... waiting......... all I ever do is WAIT!!!!

I'm getting beyond frustrated.

He's okay... right?

Communication is great these days. I am blessed that I get to talk to my husband almost every day. It gives me something to look forward to and it lets me know that Sean is okay.
However, sometimes communication works against me. Obviously, I EXPECT Sean to call everyday.
But sometimes he doesn't get the chance to... like today. This might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Not because I didn't get to talk to him (which sucks a LOT), but because I start to worry about him.

from a normal wife perspective... I know he's okay, because he has a safe job over there. He never has to leave the base, thank God.
but from the perspecitive of a military wife... I worry. All the bad thoughts of WHY he didn't call stir around in my head. I have to consciously force myself to believe that he is safe. I have to consciously think of logical reasons why he didn't call... he had to work late, he chose to go to the gym instead, the phones were down....
But still those worrisome thoughts linger....

It's just something that most women don't have to think about. Most women don't have to go a day without talking to their husband, let alone worry about if he is alive.

On days like today, I pray extra.

But on days like today, I find it hard to focus on anything. I lack motivation. And I am constantly checking my phone or the internet to see if he's online. I become totally preoccupied with trying to figure out why he didn't call.





For those of you who aren't military wives, I challenge you to put yourself into the shoes of a military wife. Try to imagine what separation would be like. Try to imagine what worrying would be like. It might make you appreciate us military wives a little more.

For those of you who are... you're not alone. We all share the same concerns, the same heartaches.... reach out to a fellow military wife. It's good to have someone to talk to.

Asking for a little help....

*Huge sigh of relief!*

Seriously, I can't even tell you how much better I feel right now.
I finally laid down my pride and told my mom and sister exactly how I have been feeling.... about how I don't feel like any one is supporting me or being there for me. How I felt like everyone was ignoring the fact that I am having a rough time and that my husband is thousands of miles away from me.

I just cried and cried and said everything that's been on my mind for the past week and half.

It felt like coming up from being trapped under water and finally breathing fresh air.

It's so nice to know that now they know how I feel and that it wasn't that they don't care, they just didn't know what I needed. They just didn't want to make things worse.




Why is it that so often in my life, all my problems are communication issues!! I seriously need to work on that.




But to anyone who needs help or support, seriously, don't be afraid to ask. It is the best thing for you.

Uncaring or just wanting to be cared for???

I'm sick of all my friends talking to me about their problems... sometimes I feel like they only call me when they are having a bad day. Normally, I'm a very sympathetic person, and a really good listener. But ever since this deployment started, I can't seem to find a caring bone in my body!! If I was approached with a very serious issue, that would be different. But all these minor little worries.... I just can't seem to care!!!


So let me be honest. I'm really really bad at telling people my feelings. Even my husband has to drag stuff out of me.
I just really wish people could see through me. I wish people knew when I was sad, or struggling and ask me what's going on and give me a hug. Because I don't like to approach people and tell them.... to me it is a sign of weakness. I don't want people to think I'm weak, or can't handle this. Some days it's just really hard.

Is it wrong that I don't care about other people's problems, if they aren't willing to even ask about mine?


I feel so heartless.

But most of all I just feel irritated!!!
For once, I wish someone would just listen to MY problem.

Wow, I sound like the biggest whiner of all time!! Just needed to vent...

My First Blog

Sooo....
It has been approximately 6 years since I have wrote a blog!
But now I am at a very interesting time in my life. I am twenty years old. I have been married to an amazing man for one year as of August 29. This amazing man also happens to wear combat boots and ABUs. He also happens to be currently deployed in Iraq.
Hence, the main reason I am starting this blog. Sean (my above-said husband) has been gone for two months now. Now that we have gotten into the bulk of his first deployment, it is really starting to wear on me, and wear on me hard....
Because I chose to move back with my family while Sean is gone, I have completely cut myself from all the support that would have been available to me at out duty-station in New Jersey. So on emotionally straining night like tonight, I started searching the internet for some support. I stumbled upon several different blogs. They were all very encouraging. However, none of them were quite, exactly in my shoes. Most had been military wives for long periods of time, had children, and already had pretty tough, military-spouse skin.
So I'm hoping that maybe someone out their like me might need someone to relate to. Sean has only been in the military for two years, we have been married for one year, and this is his first deployment. So this is all still pretty new to us.

When we found out he was deploying, it was really really overwhelming. I had never experienced such tough emotions.
Even now, I'm experiencing emotions that I never experienced before.
I'm not going to go into all the details now, as I'd like for this to just serve as an introduction to where I'm at in my military wife timeline.
I don't know if any one will ever read this, but if they do, I hope you can find comfort in knowing you're not alone!
Loneliness has been setting in pretty heavy, so I'd love to hear some comments to know that I'm not alone.